Some determination. More, dwindling away.
A new thread, that won’t tie.
Boredom, pursuing with control over priorities.
Erratic comments, initiating self-doubt.
Essential dreams, driven into the parking lot.
In a world that confuses, emotions confess.
In the chaos of a million simultaneous emotions, only one makes sense.
I need stability. I need confidence. I need a career to look forward to. I want to believe love exists. I need to answer Shiva’s questions.
October thirtieth, Two thousand seven. Damn! What were you’ll upto!
There IS a god up there, who connects to random wireless networks when you can’t have broadband, and are yearning for the internet!
Thank you for tolerating all my nonsense today. Even while I couldn’t quite comprehend why I was saying each sentence, when I had just said them!
I don’t belong to the design field? Like my wake up thought every morning?
I always get carried away. With everything. I think finishing my work on time makes me more tensed than when I don’t bother at all. I hate mood swings. I wish I was more stable when it came to controlling the mind. Not too drastic. Time is flying. Two more years will gone before I even know it.
I want to stop time. I also want it to whizz by, so that I’m out to see THE world out there. I don’t want to go home!! But I’ve stuff lying around. I love Delhi! I’ve always been obsessed with media. If only I had pursued it. I’m braindead during the day. Or rather, my day begins at 6.00 p.m when college is officially over. But, there’s always work to still finish. Maybe, I will turn gay in a couple of years.
A year and a half here has taught me more than the rest of my life had. I wish I didn’t know it though. I’m exactly in the same position I was in class six. Wondering, what I would pursue a career in.
I’ve lost out on tolerance. I can get restless in minutes. Start a conversation, but can be too lazy to finish it, even if it’s only a sentence I’ve begun with.
NO. I’m not pessimistic! Stop judging me that fast.
I’m calm.
Everything. Is a phase. Yup, we know. But, there are some situations, which you don’t want phases for. Or, rather, some people you don’t want phases with. People, so close, that,it gets uncomfortable when something silly becomes a reason. A reason that perhaps even shouldn’t be. When, more so, that both parties know.
Of course, the blah that things will be okay, and crap, rants. But, it’s that tug at the back of the mind, already cluttered mind, that pulls at the suppressed strings.
It’s all about a phone call.
Reminds me of birthdays when you remember and want to wish, but that two second conversation,
you postpone,
to the morning,
later,
and perhaps, that just doesn’t happen at all….
It’s perhaps the first time, that I’ve not missed the internet at all! Though I’ve needed at times.
I’m back. Back at my cerebral home. Why, this? because, here is where I deal just with myself. Day one, and I’ve had too much of Delhi. Blatant Delhi. I hate a couple of things about this place. Which is accounted to some of the people here. Of course, not people I would know, and, in my right mind, wouldn’t bother about, either. But they can get to me for that brief, minute second.
These not-so obviously, but still, have to me female. Because, the men, we’re out checking out anyway. We spent an entire nonsensical evening doing just that. At the nearby market, of what logically is always a gang of guys, instead it was a gang of us.
Not even in the least of our concerns, talking in soft voices either. Each of us, competing with the decibels, voicing our opinions. Realizing some of the weirder sides that unseeingly existed to each one of us. We knew we were being a little too loud, till one woman actually came up to a friend and casually asked which one of the two guys she was with, looked like the name we were screaming aloud discussing he looked like.
We seem to be in the eternal conquest of,why-in-the-bloody-world-are-we-still-single-while-the-weirdest-of-women-are-no-where-close-to-being-that!
Back home, while I’ve always been the lone single among my circle of friends, here I am, with almost everyone I know – single! And we’re eternally at the shore, in the hope of some fish, ever! Though, perhaps, I’m sure, if we did find, “our guys”, we wouldn’t comprehend understanding not-being-single either!
With time constraints, of what would otherwise have been random Adam-hunting of what could prolong into forever, we perhaps need to mean and believe that we want a guy! Which we know just psychologically think we need! We’re all okay till we meet weird couples on the road. The cheesy things we all laugh off eh?…. Yeah, We all know! Or, like we were discussing, we just need to take it to that point where we know that there is hope, and then get back to being single. Make sense?
Commitment is harsh. There are those fleeting moments when you want that kind of security, but it is hard to live with. Atleast now! When there is so much to do! And you want to be doing more than a gazillion things simultaneously! And on your own!
Kinda makes me realize, Delhi is where I’m most confused, all the time, and, most at peace, with myself! Back to the grind from today! Bah!
Btw, from somewhere on your blog, I’ve concluded that while I call myself ‘madmon’, I could possibly call “my guy”, ‘madman’! Ha! Thanks!
We’d be weird. Yeah, the world knows!
P.S: It got printed!! It got printed!! Yaayi Yaayi!!!
This post is for you. For, everything.
Dry day. And it happened. Surprisingly, I’d never thought I’d be at so much peace after it all. Obviously, because I have managed to resist it every other time. The week took it’s toll and finally me, ME got drunk. The sad part is I don’t remember a thing. The last that I vaguely reconstruct in my mind’s eye, is calling him and ehmm, talking, ummm blah blah. I only wish I did remember it all!! Apparently I puked and puked. Poor everyone around me. In fact all of us did. Those who did. I woke up with a distant taste of puke. It’s amazing that a couple of hours of my life, I’ll never remember.
I love my room mates. It’s a mentally peaceful afternoon. They’ve just made food. And they’ve tolerated me for more than a year, and will, hopefully further as well.
I’m slow. I’ve been drained out of energy. And I’m still a little hazy, I think.
 | Pooja on So. It would make a difference… |
 | Venom on So. It would make a difference… |
| Venom on So. It would make a difference… |
 | Prasoon on So. It would make a difference… |
| Prasoon on At last. |
