Today I think I’ve truly failed myself. But I fail to understand what went wrong with my actions. Agreed I gave myself a grace period to settle down before I began paying attention to what I was doing. But by the time I realised it was maybe a teeny bit late. I’m not giving up just yet, though. Two more years. Hopefully I can still cover up.
The last couple of months, my focus been directed forcefully to, but nothing else. The only time I’ve stepped out of this radius of 2 kms. is I manage to meet him. Days have become shorter and shorter. The complete lack of sleep has been forgotten about. But still ironically, the work has all just been labour. Nothing has been even remotely intelluctually stimulating. The kind of work that I’ve been wanting to do. And the one thing I was looking forward to has been denied. It has probably been my doing that has brought about this. But I only feel I have disappointed myself.
Revenge shall be taken.
In all other worlds, I’ve forgotten what sleeping on my own bed feels like. Working in college late, last evening, brought back memories. I don’t think this semester, I have stayed beyond 6 in college ever. I like the tiny campus when dark. Makes me look forward to the cosy winters. All that runs through my mind all day, is a check list of the work done and the amount left. Along with another calculating how long will it take to be left with nothing at all.
What has become of me.
