About me.

October 22, 2008 at 11:45 am · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Random, Rant

I think I’ve left behind that zest I had that would always bring me here to scribble some stoopid minor thought, that took inspiration from another of the above. Either I don’t get the time? Or will to do so? But I like writing. No matter how horribly. Just to leave traces of the some million phases.

What am I doing right now?

:

Almost finishing this assignment, which makes me postpone my last day at the internship, because I have to get it printed.

Trying to calculate the time I have, considering I’ve quite some pending work to do, but I have to go home. Mommy calls.

Simultaneously, looking up other stuff I’m interested in, wanting to do them too.

Waiting for him to call.

Trying to gather the random things I intend to pick up in time for their birthdays.

Listening to the radio. It’s been quite a while since I did that.

In other worlds::

My phone’s more than fucked. Now I have to find other buttons with which the buttons I want to use to work. It is new. It is not fair.

I want to watch a movie. Juggle that too?

I hope to manage to catch the Delhi Half Marathon. Perhaps I need to get back into shape to be doing that. But I want to. That encouragement enough?

Why does this post have so many questions? Randomly, too?

In a year, I’ll be out. Out of college. And working. Ehmm. The freedom will end then. In other terms.

I don’t think I ever had a problem about not having time. This college does eat up a lot of it. Please let’s hope it will be worth it in the end. I’m not sure though. I’m still wondering if I’m interested in what I’m doing. I’m doing it, yes. But eventually? As a career? Fashion Design? *Cough*

I had begun with wanting to write about something else. I’ve ended up elsewhere.

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Content

October 11, 2008 at 2:04 am · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Random, Vema Ventures ·Tagged

I’m living the life I’ve always hoped would turn out like this. Where, my only priority is work. The only fixed time I have during the day is, when I leave, and then the day goes on. 11 pm, 5am or 7. Returning home only seems to be a task to be achieved, to prepare ourselves for the mountain that is to begin the following day. 

My working with this company for last season’s Wills Fashion Show was a very minute learning as in comparison to the internship right now. I probably have only expanded my understanding into what precisely goes behind this entire event, held twice a year, and the amount that is actually put into it. 

It isn’t something I get to be creative about or use any kind of skill that I might assume I would have, but I like this kind of work as well. Where we get to be almost like the backbone of the entire event. My contribution would almost be nil, but to watch these guys who’re hardly any older, put in so much, unflinchingly is quite encouraging. And with a staff of just about 8 people, the entire show is handled.  EVERYTHING. Name it. They’re doing it. About four months of work goes into the making of the one week. Twice a year. And then there’re a million other projects to handle as well. 

My doing this was all in all a suprise as well. From preparing myself to attend  my cousin’s engagement. The day we were to leave for McLeodganj was when we had the interview. The interview was for the fashion week, while they were looking out for interns as well. 

It’s been a hectic month. The system fucking our existing fucked up system in college. Where we almost ended up with a month of submissions. Every. Single Day. Then, the exams. Then, the trip. And, this. Quite some time before it finishes as well.

All in all, I’m quite enjoying it all. So far,at least.

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Life goes by.

October 4, 2008 at 11:51 pm · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Random, Rant, Vema Ventures ·Tagged

I’d wonder where to begin, but I think i have sufficiently enough, to rant about, as ever. In revenge, for I wonder what, our department has been fucked. So bad, that they thrashed us the entire last two weeks, like never before. This, had to have been officially the worst, ever. Ever. Anyway, we still did manage to survive it all, looking back, we wouldn’t know how as well.

McLeodganj was awesome. Simply, because. Our two day random impulsive getaway. Missing the last direct bus, we caught four buses to finally get there. But, once we were there, all was forgotten. Getting there was quite an adventure too. It has these shacks, every alternate catering with various cuisines. Coffee shops, and few countable Indians. The weather was to die for, after the sultry, humid, irritating, heat from here. The food was much enjoyed, so was the stuff. We stayed there for just about twenty four hours, and all we did was indulge.

Sleep still hasn’t been caught on. Doesn’t look like it will anytime soon either. And, today Delhi was visited like the old times. Randomness in all it’s meaning. Shopped. And, ehmm, Drona.

It’s quite a good movie, you know. Somehow, even typing that, made me want to kill myself. Bollywood’s worst period is here. One terrible movie after another. Jaane Tu.. Singh is Kinng. Rock On. Drona. C’mon, can’t we come up with anything even remotely tolerable?

I can’t wait to see him. It’s been a long time. It always seems that way, anyway.

Another day to go before we’re back to the grind.

All hail!

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Unassumed.

September 24, 2008 at 9:00 pm · Filed under Random, Rant

Today I think I’ve truly failed myself. But I fail to understand what went wrong with my actions. Agreed I gave myself a grace period to settle down before I began paying attention to what I was doing. But by the time I realised it was maybe a teeny bit late. I’m not giving up just yet, though. Two more years. Hopefully I can still cover up.

The last couple of months, my focus been directed forcefully to, but nothing else. The only time I’ve stepped out of this radius of 2 kms. is I manage to meet him. Days have become shorter and shorter. The complete lack of sleep has been forgotten about. But still ironically, the work has all just been labour. Nothing has been even remotely intelluctually stimulating. The kind of work that I’ve been wanting to do. And the one thing I was looking forward to has been denied. It has probably been my doing that has brought about this. But I only feel I have disappointed myself.

Revenge shall be taken.

In all other worlds, I’ve forgotten what sleeping on my own bed feels like. Working in college late, last evening, brought back memories. I don’t think this semester, I have stayed beyond 6 in college ever. I like the tiny campus when dark. Makes me look forward to the cosy winters. All that runs through my mind all day, is a check list of the work done and the amount left. Along with another calculating how long will it take to be left with nothing at all.

What has become of me.

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A world of opinions.

September 8, 2008 at 11:53 pm · Filed under Rant

The whole world and their opinions should often keep it to themselves. Someone always seems to be voicing something. Often I like to let things just be. And i’m glad, I atleast am open to changing my ideas and views over time. It’s so irritating when whatever you do, someone has to be judging and always pointing out their way of doing it. Which of course, is the ‘right way’.

In all the irritation, I often contradict myself just to be on the other side of someone’s opinions. People should stop believing that their opinion is the ultimate. Even if it is, shove it up your ass.

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A lot better?

August 29, 2008 at 11:43 pm · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Rant ·Tagged

I often wonder what my decisions are based on. Perhaps, thought prolonged over a period, but the time frame of actions are impulsive. Like sitting in class and messaging. I think I’m lost in my own chaos of things I want to d o, or try to do, or want to think I’d like to know.

Maybe I’ve been working. Or atleast trying to finish the tasks on hand, but essentially I’m not learning anything to develop my own sense of style. A style, before anyone else, I appreciate. Or weigh the consequences atleast, to analyse what would be aesthetically right, to atleast a qualitative mass of people. I’m looking for honest criticism to the works of my like.

I’ve always believed that the work given in college is more than futile but is still imperative to finish. I can’t afford to be flunking. Perhaps, the least I can do is to achieve reasonable grades which perhaps some college across the world is willing to accept. Giving up on a task at college to achieve something that would enlighten me more on what I actually want to do, is perhaps okay, moderately. To balance it out, is what is more important.

The last two years have not instilled in me, what I think I should have remotely wanted to even start understanding by now. I’m not in a phase where I’m cribbing or anything. But these have been my thoughts over the past year atleast. Maybe since we joined the department, and got rid of foundation- which was only the beginning of the phase of wondering what in the life I was doing, when this was not something I was ever, even remotely, interested in.

Now I’ve found areas, where I know I’d like to belong in this field, but then again, I don’t think I fit in, because of the quality of work. Shouldn’t I by now know what my strengths are, and perhaps polish them, while simultaneously, begin to either acknowledge or work on my weaknesses? Instead, I still find myself believing, that, if I gave a shot, I’d still be good at what I was trying to do. C’mon, things like that you get over right at school. But, maybe it is a sense of optimism that pushes me to achieve what I want to. But, it leaves me clueless about what I’m better at.

Talking to them, always, drives that inspriration. In the end of it all, it’s work that’s what I’m most passionate about. Work, as in, anything that is a learning process. Not to keep doing something uninterestedly, when there is actually no use of it in the end.

She. Has a passion, completely focussed. A single conversation, makes me want to rush back home and begin with something fruitful immediately. Just a display of her work, or attempting to discuss it with me, is more than enough, to make me realize, I’m quite wasting my time doing nothing.

She. She might be so scatterbrained, but what illustrates as her work, is mere perfection.

Today, it’s about them. Because it’s been a long time, since I hung out with them. And I appreciate all that I’ve learnt from them.

It’s time I begun. On what I’ve always wanted to set out to do.

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Damn. Titles.

August 27, 2008 at 11:57 pm · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Random, Rant ·Tagged

I’ve always been wary of my tangible physical space. As much as my mental thoughts. I like change. But, when I know I want it. If it’s something like a suprise, it will still be taken in the stride. Yet, if it’s something stoopidly controllable, and I find that I don’t want to voice the argument, of course i dig my own grave.

I think i adapt to change decently. And if I don’t want to, I have my reasons to perhaps foresee wouldn’t want to. Anyway, since it is happening, I might as well try and adapt to the space in my mind before I move.

This current second, life is stagnant. And until I finish the illustration assignment it will seem so. I feel like loitering around Chandni Chowk. Or watching a play. It’s been a while since that happened. Or maybe even try and finish a book. Managing my time. That’s all it takes for me to actually start doing all that I want to.

Of course, I’m just another lazy human being.

I was right. I shouldn’t have switched on the laptop.

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Shoot.

August 26, 2008 at 11:36 pm · Filed under Days Of Our Lives, Random, Rant ·Tagged

What makes a somewhat plesant day:

  • Laughing over nothing for merely fifteen minutes, just amused with a friend’s blabber.
  • Talking to friends you’ve completely forgotten about, having moved out.
  • Knowing in two days the mountain of submissions will end. (Before another begins, of course)
  • Just not caring.
  • Having a list, such. Which happens everyday, but isn’t pursued enough, to actually be written about.

Sounds like a stoopid friendship day forward doesn’t it?!

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I’m just trying to write.

August 24, 2008 at 11:29 pm · Filed under Random, Rant ·Tagged

Every thought voiced, doesn’t always want to be heard. It is impulse that does it. But impulse is often calculated, a longer period of time, or at least a figment of imagination wanting to be executed. Does any of this make any sense at all?

Conscience always reminds you never to bother about the consequences. But reality helps you analyse, grading incidents your way. If you are as practical as can be, shouldn’t your analysis be, if not perfectly, atleast decently right. Instead of touching that remote corner unfathomed.

You draw that picture of life, you want to live. Instead you try and fill in the gaps with the life you want to live, in the picture already painted. Destiny doesn’t exist. C’mon, I think we’ve been over that before.

Does life revolve around you? And the rest characters of the mere drama, that is your show. Or are you simply the nothing, that atom, which just exists. You know, the side kick that isn’t quite bothered about, but meekly tries to make the most of what he can.

Remotely when you give up, there is a voice that shouts louder, convincing you not to, only to push you all the way, if not anything else, but to finish the race. The results were probably out in your head, but you still hope in vain. From above, like if the analyses were wrong, then this should be too, right?

Never try to think too much. It probably just fucks up the head. Or gives you a happy break from, embroidery!

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Something?

August 22, 2008 at 11:19 pm · Filed under Random, Rant ·Tagged

It’s ironic that the minute a person walks out, that exact minute you’re back to missing them. Of course, then again, it isn’t unknown that irony is a way of life.

There is so much happening, yet I don’t know where to begin. All I want to do is rant, yet I’m left with nothing to say.

To get out of a phase without ever wanting to be in it, find a solution? Give me something to write about all.

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