It’s a vicious cycle. How when we begin understanding ourselves or what makes us, we begin justifying or at least reasoning out why we’re going through what we’re going through. It’s that constant debate between logic and emotions. But not necessarily once figured out do we actively respond to logic. It is perhaps only consolation that we comprehend the reasons behind it.
In reality I’ve concluded that we find happiness only in things we can’t find happiness in. Because that’s what keeps us going, right? Because when we find perfection, it becomes mundane. There’s nothing more to it. And hence consequently no point. So cribbing out things we don’t have makes living a lot more interesting. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. We prefer it greener on the other side.
Anyway, so when we begin reasoning out our actions, we finally reach a point where we question why we’re questioning what we’re questioning. And why we can’t let things just be. There’s not much we can do about anything anyway. Aren’t we living just to pass time. So might as well go through the different phases – these are what compile into our days.
Balance. If we had that, things would perhaps just be.
Twenty Ten. I’m looking for the appropriate words that might describe this year. It isn’t the words that are stopping me here. It’s more so the emotions. It has after all been that kind of a year for me. The heterogeneity of emotions that I’ve gone through in the last eleven months has so often left me in thoughts of alternate realities, that I feel I now just live in another universe altogether. I now live in a paranoia that life doesn’t exist. Or rather, it never did.
We all appear to be heading to an Orwellian society. We’re conditioned to living life the way we’re supposed to, so much that freedom of thought ceases to exist. It is only the rare epiphany that brings you to often believe in the larger reality of life. How many of us actually live with the freedom of liberated thought. To each of us, our sources of governance are different but they still do exist at the end of the day. We’re dying to make the world one. The same. At least we are working towards that.
Over the last three months my mind has been like a sponge. Taking in everything around me. It has also to do with the people around me, as part of the program. It makes me realize there’s SO much to do. And the first six months of this year I’ve been worrying over nothing. It all seems futile now, to have spent time in believing you were turning insane. Even if you are, you might as well spend the period of sanity making sense of most around you. Or the perspectives to it. Unfortunately there always will exist phases where all logic will fail fear. No one can talk sense into you until you choose to believe the other standpoint of it all. It is always choice. But more often it is the emotion that precedes the state of mind to choose.
There are some things you just don’t do. They say it for a reason, and maybe you should just respect that.
That’s how the harder lessons are learnt in life, perhaps. Time travel should be possible only for you to possibly undo those moments. They can wreck quite a few. I’m barely holding fort. Is there a rescue? Or do you survive giving up? With nothing to look forward to. This doesn’t need to sound that depressing. But that’s what happens when you’re eating up on the inside without reason. Count twenty hours on the total.
You fight. You distract. You react. And so the cycle goes. Somethings are just better off having not happened.
Delhi has this whiff to it the minute you get out of the railway station at Paharganj. An air of superiority. It’s like the city knows it’s the capital. even if there exist better places, it chooses to be the snob.
Ive returned from the most BRILLIANT vacation ever. At the most cliched place for one. Gova. Four days of randomness. I think I needed this getaway.
I’m going home. Ever since I’ve stayed away from home, I’ve gotten excited to return home.
I’ve tons to watch, read and a bit of work to finish. The job hunt has begun. In a month if I don’t find something, I’d have to head to my backup plans.
I need to find a suject to write on. A muse.
So much for SuperMon returns. A semester has dissapeared and I haven’t gotten any where with my writings. There is always hope though. Maybe now on? That I’m done with my college, and I’m out on a vacation searching for some more of myself, and hopefully recover from the semester’s nuisance.
I’ve never missed Hyderabad as much as I did this semester, so I’m due a long holiday there. Of course, once my luxurious vacation at home ends i.e, before that this – Tomorrow! Boy, am I looking forward to this. I can do with a break. And for once, legally. My discreet travels over the last four years have been awesome, yes. But now that I have permission, it’s a relief?
It is time, I got my to my lazy readings, loud music, cycling around the city (Except for the goddamn heat!), these writings!, and blissful sleep, and more importantly! – ghar ka khana! (Yeah, the punctuations all screwed up perhaps, but reads perfectly to how I want it to sound.)
I also get all the time in the world to teach myself all that I’ve always wanted to. The guitar. A language. Become ambidextrous. HTML/CSS. Learn a new software. etc. etc. This list will never end.
The television secretly knows when you’re dead bored and you would like to be entertained. It blatantly refuses. Such are the ways of the world.
So much for now. I’m also on the hunt for a job, btw.
So. I’ve thought of a name for the All NewBlog. ‘SuperMon returns’. NO. I do not intend this to be a blog injected with narcissism in my veins. It is just a name. Like Late Legally Bland. I thought it was smart. She now is on twitter. Like the rest of the world. Well, the new year has arrived. And it is perhaps time to revive things from the past.
Hopefully the banter on this blog will have grown from the hormonally trigerred ones from the past. This, atleast of what I would like it to do, hopefully is more writing than trash. Gah. The cycle follows.
So starting tomorrow, or today, this blog gets a new look. And hopefully leaves platform thence.
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